I was looking for a decent play on Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, and this fits well enough. I can’t wait for this this serious (perhaps dangerous) blood sugar spike ends. As for now, I feel almost drunk.
Why, you ask?
I went all out on my 10 worst drinks investigation. What a great way to write off my day off. I have tried 9/10 and will put the Men's Health comments with mine. And will probably go sugar-free for a little while. Here goes...
Number 10: Worst Milk Beverage - Hershey's Chocolate Drink
Men's Health says: Besides being loaded with sugar, it contains more water than actual milk.
Al says: So true, but what can you expect at $0.64 per carton. Very watery - tastes like those rubbish camping (just add water!) hot chocolates. I can see why they don't call it chocolate milk.
Number 9: Worst Soda - Sunkist Orange
Men's Health says: More sugar per ounce than any other soda we found.
Al says: Very like Fanta. Fizzy, syrupy, leaves a weird bitter aftertaste and has a colour reminiscent of Irn-Bru. And not exactly cheap - this bottle was $2.64.
Number 8: Worst Spritzer - R. W. Knudsen Family Tangerine
Men's Health says: The label says, "No sugar added." Good thing.
Al says: I couldn't find this one for love nor money. I'll keep my eyes peeled.
Number 7: Worst Bottled Green Tea - SoBe Green Tea
Men's Health says: To make regular tea this sweet you'd have to add 16 packets of sugar.
Al says: And here I was thinking that Mike used to like his tea sweet. This was unbelievable. This was on a par with that horrendous green tea latte I had - where's the tea flavour? This is sugar-water, like those bugs from MIB liked. In a big bottle.
Number 6: Worst Juice Drink - Arizona Kiwi Strawberry
Men's Health says: You'd have to eat 11 cups of strawberries to consume this much sugar from whole fruit.
Al says: I kinda cheated here. Couldn't find the named one, so tried another in the range. Will look out for the correct one, but this was definitely on the same lines. This was sugar and tang in a huge can. Seriously, Americans need to cut their serving sizes.
Number 5: Worst Fountain Drink - 7-Eleven Double Gulp (filled with cola)
Men's Health says: This is 2 litres of soda.
Al says: Liars. It's 1.9 litres, less with ice. But either way it's massive. You know the taste of coke, kids, so I won't go into that. What I will say is that this monstrosity must cause a lot of car accidents. Far too big for conventional cup holders, I was forced to hold this drink between my thighs. This resulted in my thighs being steadily frozen throughout my short trip home, and in the embarrassment of drinking it at lights with an action which must have seemed like an attempt at auto-fellatio.
Number 4: Worst Hot Coffee Drink - Starbucks Venti 2% Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha
Men's Health says: More added sugar than the average person consumes in a day.
Al says: I cheated again here. Peppermint syrup doesn't seem to be in the stores just now, so I had it with raspberry syrup. It goes with white chocolate, right? Forgot about the coffee part. Ach well, wasn't so bad. The coffee takes the edge off the sweetness until the bottom quarter of the cup, which isn't really worth drinking. Y'all know what I'm talking about here.
Number 3: Worst Frozen Coffee Drink - Dairy Queen Caramel MooLatte
Men's Health says: Having a large DQ chocolate sundae instead would save you 300 calories.
Al says: Like drinking caramel syrup. This was by far the sweetest drink in the list. Yuk.
Number 2: Worst Smoothie - Jamba Juice Peanut Butter Moo'd Power Smoothie
Men's Health says: As much sugar as 13 bowls of Froot Loops.
Al says: Really? This one didn't seem as sweet as the others. Maybe my sugar taste buds have burnt out. Decent flavour, but too rich to drink the whole cup. Like the narrowing base to allow it to go in cup holders. How thoughtful.
Number 1: Worst Drink in America - Cold Stone Creamery OhFudge! Shake
Men's Health says: Has almost 3/4 cup of sugar and more calories than six McDonald's hamburgers.
Al says: I'll take the hamburgers. Starts chocolaty, then gets sweet, then the cream hits. And hits. And hits. I liken this to the point where pleasure becomes pain. Very intense, doesn't leave the mouth for ages.
There you have it, folks. My sacrifice for you. Had I consumed all of the drinks above (instead of asking for smalls in the larger cups and ditching a lot of the drinks) I would've taken in 6,026 calories, 938g of sugar. I'm not blowing 3 days of calories on sugar loaded drinks! Just to give you an idea of the real size of the Double Gulp, here's a pic of me holding it. Remember how large I am.
In other news, Orange County got another hour of rain today, I drove some more (in the Protoge and in the brand-spanking-new Mazda 6), and I ate at an all-America diner type place. I tried the chili dog. My verdict? Toss out the dog. The cheap meat ruins a good steak chili. In fact, lose the bun too. Have one or the other. Having both is just greedy.
Gotta get my kip for a 13 hour shift tomorrow, hope you enjoyed this sweet little treat!
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